Dinner with Lilith

I wanted tonight to be right. Our first evening together since you left. I went to a great deal of trouble.

You thought I deserved to die for asking. All I wanted was to bind our souls. One alchemy ritual, and we would have stayed together.

Destroyed you? I offered you a love that would survive death. You reported me. Of course I know. When I spoke of black alchemy, you were already picturing the blood, the screams, my body sinking into the water.

Something moves beneath the skin of her face. The candle shakes. You cannot tell whether the movement belongs to her or to its light. She leans back in her chair.

I knew exactly what I was asking, my love. I still do. You were frightened then. I can see you're frightened now. But I'm here. You needn't go through it alone.

Rain rattles the wooden walls. Below the cliff, waves break into white foam. You wish you were aboard a ship beyond that window, even one with no port to make for. But you are sitting at her table.

Your madness will be the end of us both.

You saw to that when you reported me. Eat. It's porph meat, cooked the way you like it. The fat melts under your tongue. Then you taste the herbs.

We saw one after the festival, the night you first told me you loved me. Such a long mane. You kept telling me how beautiful it was. I had to sit there and listen. Then we went to eat. I've remembered that evening ever since.

We ate this. You said you loved me. You said we'd never part. Do you remember what else you promised?

Your mother remembered my class. I saw it in her face when we met. I could have been a germ on her plate. Nothing counted unless I'd been born a noble in Kardiya. You let her look at me that way.

She keeps watching you as she works the knife against her fork. Candlelight passes through her red hair. You look down at her plate. The knife is cutting into her thumb. Blood runs over the meat.

Oh. How sweet of you to notice. My mind wandered. It happens when you're here. I forget everything that hurts.

She wraps her thumb in a scrap of parchment from the floor. She studies the blood on her plate, spears a piece of meat and eats it with her eyes closed.

Hmm? I'm fine. Did I ever tell you how my mother died? She was addicted to dopamine. I was seven when it ran out. She thought she could drink what was left in her blood. By the time they found her, she'd drowned in it. I used to find that funny. I understand her now.

There are things you need so badly they become part of you. You know that. You must. I need you inside me, my love. Until we're together, I can feel the hollow where you ought to be.

Rain taps against the glass. You hear Lilith breathing across the table. She watches your plate and waits for you to eat.